Watch the Sky.

Baby steps, all it is.

Things usually get better, no matter what. Everything will be okay in the end; if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. I’ve always known this, but it’s troublesome when you’re stuck at the lowest point of the journey.

To say the very least, it’s been a struggle for me for these past few months. That energetic, go-getter, social butterfly that reached impeccable heights a few months back has finally descended back to reality, bothered and broken by things that have only stacked up to tower before me. Simply put, I’m back to Square One.

And it’s devastating, to feel this way. I started off so strong, with so much hope and belief in myself, only to somehow lose that passionate fire for socializing and plummeting back to my former self. I finally reverted back to the introvert I’ve tried so hard to escape my entire life, back in the Pit that I was so close in escaping.

So, now, I sit here not sure on what to do to escape my situation. It’s not enough to say, “hey, I’m awesome!” anymore. Concerned and close friends can only tell me so much on what I could do to fix my situation, but I feel no initiative to take that initial step forward. In time I’ll get there again, but as it stands I’ve got a long way till I’m driven to do so.

But, as long as those I love and care about are happy, I’ll be content. For me personally I don’t care if I’m the one that feels this way. Better that it’s me over the ones I care about as I always come to believe. And it shall be a struggle to rise up once more from the ugly thoughts that dominate my psyche, but eventually I will prevail again. And just once, at the right time, the right place, and under the right circumstances things will work out for me once and for all.

It’s just getting back up and rising from all this that forever returns to stand in my way.

It’s funny how I just realize now how important becoming a power system engineer will be. I mean I remember my previous employer advising how many new power engineers are needed in the industry today, but only now after reading the introduction pages of my textbook I finally discover why it is so important that I’m in this field. To be honest, it’s almost as if I need to become an engineer with a specialty in power in order to ensure the reliability and safe distribution of electricity for the county of San Diego-and elsewhere considering where the road takes me.

To support my claim, consider the following (as extracted from my textbook):

- According to the IEEE, the number of power system graduates have dropped from approx 2,000 per year in the 1980s to only 500 today
- Overall, the number of power engineering graduates have dropped to 50% in the last 15 years
- In 2003, the Electric Power Research Institute estimated that 50% of the power engineering workforce will reach retirement in the next 5-10 years. 
 (Ergo, roughly 50% of the workforce since 2003 have already or will retired by the end of this year)
- Due to the appeal of more inviting engineering fields such as telecommunications or computer software development, student interest in power systems are decreasing by each passing year

 I’m already pretty positive nobody actually took the time to take in those statistics and probably already scrolled by my post already, but if you’re still reading this let it be known that I love and appreciate you<3

Anyways, this is just me feeling a sense of purpose now regarding my major. I’m not gonna boast how this semester, “I will get those A’s” or “I will finally put in work academically!” because those words are worthless unless I make it to May with the grades and knowledge to prove my progress. I do wish to make bigger strides in bolstering my career in power system engineering, but I felt it was necessary to blog about it for whoever had the courtesy to read this-or rather, for my own personal reading later down the line.

So yeeeah, I’m kind of a big deal-well almost. I will be when the time comes for it.