Last week was when it started-the doubt. That.. ugly, overbearing, cloud of darkness that consumes you throughout, making you doubtful and unable to think coherently. Never did I fear I chose the wrong career-at least, to this severity-until that Tuesday morning. Luckily however, I was able to shake it off as the day wore on.
Flash-forward to today as I sat there during our Senior Project meeting.
Because see, here’s the thing: I don’t remember shit. Or rather I don’t know enough to credibly cite myself as a certified Electrical Engineer. This is something I’ve been avoiding by distracting myself with video games, friend events, and epic happenings throughout these past five years of my college life. I can admit this because there’s no reason to hide this ugly fact.
I. Don’t. Remember. Shit. Everything I have learned has entered one ear and exited the other.
Now take the rest of my Senior Design team: they are six, well-gifted, and driven individuals who know what they are doing. The moment they got wind of the project they already knew all the components, the conceptual design, and overall how we would get this project to function to specifications. I myself just sat there, at every meeting, with all this information flying over my head.
And that I feel is why I started to panic: A) I don’t remember enough to function as an Electrical Engineering and B) I’m surrounded by individuals who love their major, this lifestyle, and are well-equipped to move on once we get handed our diplomas… while here I am trying to desperately grasp on to something that will allow me to live working this job for the rest of my life.
The way I see it, I’m just gonna stick it out and graduate as an EE no matter what. There are far more factors that play into feeling the way I do right now, but that can be saved for those who ask me personally. But far as things go… I’ll get through this. I’ll find my little niche in Engineering, whether it’ll be practicing the craft or being on the business side of things.
I’ll figure it out. I always do.